Friday, May 6, 2011

Too close....

02/12/11 - Heh. The first of many times He and I were in far too close of proximity to each other. Now and again I still wonder what He is. Where He came from. The curiosity can feel... nearly burning sometimes... hard too explain really...  

He came to me... at work today.

Every day, He's been getting closer. He doesn't stay far out in the fields anymore. He prefers the lawn. The shed. In the house itself. I hear Him walk the halls sometimes. Least I think it's Him. Still not close enough to confirm my... suspicion yet, but enough to let His presence be known to me. No one else sees Him, of course. I've had to shrug off more than a few comments from my family about how I'll stare off into oblivion. "Daydreaming" they call it. Not sure if I should be insulted by that or not considering I'm staring down my future executioner...

It's nothing that the rest of you haven't dealt with. I didn't bother keeping updates. AIMing with Val and Sage has been enough... but I think today was worth something...

Normally, I don't HAVE work on Fridays but... I can't deny what is coming. One day I won't be able to work, so I need the cash while I can still get it. My mornings are still rough as all Hell, but... you know what? Who cares. I took my boss up on the offer.

I was down in the basement checking inventory (most. annoying. job. ever.) when I first felt... something. It's hard to explain, but it was like a pressure suddenly setting over my forehead and temples - like the beginning of a headache with no actual pain yet. I would have just ignored it had I not... started laughing quietly. It was the same damn thing as before: It was happening on its own. I couldn't STOP myself from it! Do you GET how fucking screwed-up that is to FEEL?! Well, let me tell you then: It's terrifying, alright?! I hate being out of control of myself. HATE IT. I've gotten this far in life by keeping myself in check; by keeping myself locked. I don't drink alcohol, I've never none drugs... I don't do anything that compromises my thinking. Aren't I amazing at explaining things? It's the same thing I keep mentioning over and over and over again. I don't fear Him. Not really. I've just... always been afraid of the influence. I've always considered myself a darker-type person. A bitch, if you will. Sarcastic, apathetic, pain in the ass type. I'd be stupid to not be panicking. That seems to be the type He likes for soldiers, isn't it?

But I couldn't think about that... because I knew. I knew immediately.

I looked around a bit, but couldn't see any sign of Him yet. Not that that meant anything really - the basement was stacked so high with boxes of products that you wouldn't see Jabba The Hutt until he was sitting on your lap. It's all set into long, high rows of boxes and shelving units that would drive any claustrophobic person to their knees rocking themselves muttering "the walls are closing in" over and over and over. I don't have that issue, thankfully, but I knew in my gut - from my 'snickering' - that the Black King had to be too close for comfort... so I decided to do the smart thing with the advanced warning: get the Hell out of there.

I ditched my task and ran straight down the narrow alley I was in, gunning for the stairs (the same ones that knocked me around last week) on the opposite side of the basement. He just had to show up when I was at the farthest possible point from the one fucking way out, didn't he? Oh, you bet, wouldn't have it any other way, I'm sure!

I never made it to the end of that alley. I got maybe half-way and then He stepped around the corner. I just... froze. After only seeing Him close up with a flashlight before, I was... stunned for a few seconds to see Him so close, so clear. This was Slender Man. This was the walking nightmare that had come in close to me once then had stalked from afar for nearly two weeks. What I thought I'd seen that first night didn't do justice to what He looks like. I understand now just WHY He's referred to as the "Black King." His limbs may look awkward from being so long but... He just looks... regal. Even his "face" - it's not just a pale "blob" or "lump" of some kind as some like to call it. There are actually risen and sunken areas where His eyes, nose, and mouth SHOULD be - as though the skin had just been stretched over top of what I'd assume is bone or something close to it. The weak light actually made twin darkened patches over what should have been His eye sockets... under His cheek bones...

He started walking towards me at that point - His head hanging a bit low to not hit the ceiling. I definitely agree with my earlier comments at this point: He walks like a representation of Death, a Reaper. Slow, yet resolute; confident; unstoppable. Like He knows that, in the end, He'll be the victor no matter which little mouse He has before Him. Of course He should know - how the hell LONG has He been playing? The Black King... the undefeated Champ... closing in on a newbie like myself. Fuck. My. Life.

I had to mentally scream at myself to do it, but I started backing up as He advanced - never taking my eyes off His face. His longer strides out-did my own and soon I had no choice - I turned and bolted back down the alley. I whipped around the corner - running along to perimeter in hopes of getting to the stairs the other way... but He was waiting for me part-way down every single one of them. He had cornered me... and I was shaking at that point. Not from fear, I don't think... I was just feeling... I don't know. Overwhelmed? Like my "Flight or Fight" reflex didn't know what to do with my muscles. Shit, I can still feel how my muscles began to feel like rusted springs - making moving harder and harder as I reached the last alley with the stairs directly at the other end. He was waiting in that one too.

I stopped running at that point - there was no reason to go back the way I came. He'd just repeat the lovely process all over again. Besides, I could SEE my way out from here. I wasn't giving up that visual, even if He was blocking the way, as stupid as that might sound.

Once again, He began walking towards me. The black suit He wore seemed to mold into the shadows on the floor - I couldn't see an end to His legs, everything... was swept together. Honestly, everything except his face is just a blur...

The closer He got, the harder it was too try to suppress my little laugh. I reopened my cut lip in my attempt, tasting that familiar metallic tang. Backing up, I felt my back hit against the stack of boxes that went nearly to the ceiling along the wall. He was right in front of me. RIGHT. FUCKING. THERE. He stared down at me like a science student stares down a worm pinned in place... and then I heard... I heard Him. Or... not really Him. But whispers in my head - like the words were just inserted into my thinking. To come to Him. That He owned me. That there was no point in running. Just a mess of whispers one on top of the other. I don't actually remember what He sounded like, if He sounded like anything at all but... I felt... choked at that point. I couldn't manage words...

But I did get my hands into two of the handles in the boxes behind me. I pulled, ducking and running at the same time... and the two empty boxes came with me. The entire stack came down - all empty, but they served their purpose. I ran upstairs, slamming the door shut behind me. The boxes may have been a distraction, but they certainly didn't play any role in me escaping besides me feeling better. He let me go. Simple as that.

My boss said I looked "pale."

I thought I was going to DIE and she says I look "pale"... I'm sorry, but it makes me laugh in a I-want-to-strangle-something kind of way.

I.... I feel sick. I really do. My stomach won't stop doing loops and my morning routine still exhausts me each day. As you might have been able to tell in my post from when I thought He was a cosplayer (Ha)... I like my solitude. A lot. How I comment around on the blogs on here it's just... information seeking and a touch of a morbid fascination in seeing the entire struggle from so many different angles. I have no issue with any of you doing the same to me. I can deal with people online. There's nothing personal about it. But, in the real world, I like doing my own thing. I like being LEFT the FUCK alone... and He just... He's breaking my rules. It sounds dumb, yes, and I know that's just what He does but... I'm not adjusting well to it, okay? I'm used to feeling INVISIBLE to society and He just... He sees me.

He sees me... and I hate it. Hit the nail on the head here.

And now I'm supposed to be... what? One of His minions? One of the little brainless drones that follow His every word? No. FUCK NO. This is the second time I've heard that and I just... I can't deal with this shit. He can kill me instead. I won't become like Them. No fucking way...


  1. Pfft. Serving him is not THAT bad. Sure there are long work hours, but the pay is great, and it has good health coverage. You get PAID to travel around the world.
    And of course there is the killing. Gotta love the killing.

  2. You know where you can stick your sales pitch, Twinkle.

  3. Fuck it. And fuck It.

    This is one of those times when I wish I was badass enough to make credible death threats, but goddammit, you are BETTER than that. I think I, of all people, should know.

    Death threats to Slendy and co, btw, not to you. ><

  4. The more I know of you, the more it's like Shady and I... weird connections that could almost make us related, but not even the remote possibility that we could be. Same soul-family maybe?

    At least you didn't pull a "tackle F'in everything" move, eh? He seems to get violent if the person he's stalking does, like tit for tat. Otherwise he has fun "poking the caged animal with a stick."

    I have long thought his appearance is a disguise. He looks like he does purposefully, not because it's creepy (though I'm sure it amuses him to no end), but because he's not ready for the big reveal. I have some suspicions as to his true identity, but I'm still collecting names. Overkill in that area certainly can't hurt! Some how, some way, I will bring him to heel so that we can coup de grace the bastard.

  5. @Hakurei: Heh. Hun, if you gave ME a death threat... I think I'd bust a gut laughing~

    @Mystery: Hn. Could be, I suppose. Nothing is impossible... and I can't deny that I've also noticed a few... errie similarities in our experiences; our thinking patterns. This could be a disguise for Him - I'd never thought of it in that way. Whoever He is, I'll survive Him as long as I can... and, yes, that means leaving the "defying certain death at every turn" to Zeke~ No "tackling F'in everything" for me~

  6. Now here's a disturbing idea that just popped into my head... I'd bet you read through all my archives and not just the first one you commented on lol. So you read entry #5 about when He came for me when I was 15.

    What if these things we have in common, you, me, Shady have more to do with Him impressing himself on our souls and less to do with some natal connection. I prefer the soul-family idea, but the other one is certainly possible. The question is, why? Does he get off on making us strong so he can break us more, or does he want us strong in the end to serve better?

    The fascination with Egypt I would have chalked up to shared past lives, but... what if it's an accidental clue? And our defiance of things that would be forced upon us, if that also comes from Him, should we be looking for some entity that refused to yield to a higher power, any higher power? A demon of the underworld most definitely, but which one?

  7. Oh? And why would that be disturbing? Not liking the idea of someone with my mindset going over what info you've given out so far~? Heh, can't blame you~ Yes, I read through your entire archive that day. Like I said, a lot of things... stood out. I haven't read Shady's story yet... I suppose I should sometime.

    It's fairly obvious what He wants me for, though I can't speak for you two in that regard. We each have a purpose to Him, whether we like it or not. Some it's to serve, and others to strengthen His presence in our world. Either way, it's a maze with only one path to follow - one that leads you to Him to either accept your place or try to deny it. Whatever you choose, we're all already dead. It's just a matter of seeing how long we can last and perhaps finding a way to stop the spread of His virus.

    Hn. Sounds like you're putting your coins on "Seth". There is no greater Egyptian God that rebelled against the natural order. I'm sure there are others, but he is the most infamous. It doesn't match up though - Seth is known as the God of Chaos. Slender Man may bring about insanity, but chaotic, he is not. We do that part to ourselves.

  8. Ha! I meant it was creepy if our similarities were implanted character traits and not actually our own.

    What he wants me for, terrifies me. I dreamed it a long time ago, and I'm not ever talking about it if I can help it. He has plenty of boot-licking sycophants who I'm sure would be more than willing to serve *that* purpose.

    No, Seth is just a convenient name. That could even have been one of his many faces. I think he's older though... Babylonian/Assyrian, possibly one of the seven feared demons Marduk created to fight Tiamat or some lost son of hers.

  9. That suggestion would put me right passed "creeped" and right into "pissed", but I do have an issue with anger to begin with~ Sounds like an example of mindfuckery that goes right up His alley, so it could be. I'm not sure about Shady, but the two of us seem to be... resisting His will, for the time being. If these character traits were given to us, why it hard on Himself? For "the kicks" doesn't sound right.

    ............Are you saying what I think you're saying? My mind just somersaulted into the gutter with that one and if THAT is what purpose you think He wants you for... WHY are you still breathing???

    Really, He could have begun as any of the hundreds of thousands of Gods throughout history. If the Thoughtform Theory has any basis, what you're looking for as His roots could be something that has nothing even in common with Him anymore.

  10. Yeah, for the first, it does put us into the proper mindset to be useful, doesn't it? We get the background, so he doesn't have to waste a lot of time later. We get the violence, so he doesn't have turn us into mad dogs. He lays the framework into which we can grow. I don't like the idea, but it makes a certain amount of sense. Even if some of us turn out troublesome; others do not.

    And yeah, the second, a bit more complicated than that, but just... yeah... Not EVER going there. It was more a promise if I did what he wanted, as if it was some big reward to be chosen for that. So not flattered, thankyouverymuch. One more reason I identify as asexual. I think the only reason I'm still alive is because he thinks in a moment of supreme despair and selfishness, I still might do what he wanted. I don't hate this world *that* much.

    This is true, but names still have power, especially over something whose name has been forgotten.

  11. Hn. I hate to admit how much sense that makes. Not only does doing such create "ideal growing conditions" for His servants, but, if He wanted to shatter those that resisted, He would only have to show us that "who we are" was designed to His specifications, not our will. I don't know about you, but I... think I'd crack.

    ........Uh...huh... well... I have a hard time picturing that kind of side of Him, but regardless I'm glad it's you and not me~

    True enough.

  12. Slender Man is no demon.
    Don't expect stories to pass through time unchanged.
    - Indrid

  13. Never claimed Him to be, nor do I suggest He is how He has always been.