Okay this CANNOT be good...

My horse... kicked Him.

Yeah, I really wish I was joking cause then I wouldn't be nearly having a goddamn panic attack! Fuck, if He goes after him for this... I can't let that happen. I just CAN'T. I didn't HAVE people to rely on growing up, okay? I had my horses! That's it! They are what I connect with best, not bloody humans! And I put too much goddamn work into Bogie for Him to come and just mess it up!!!

For the love of crap, I can still hear the THUD of hooves on... whatever the hell Bogie connected with. First time I've seen His tentacle things... there were so fucking MANY of them I just... damn...

I'd gone for a trail ride with my jumper and we got cornered - simple as that. One second everything is fine, the next Bogie spooks like Hell's Bitch and bolts. I lost my stirrup and nearly fell off, but managed to move with it enough to crank my boy around before he got any closer to that damn bush and the tractor trails that lead into it. At the time, Bogie was prancing, snorting, throwing his head, stamping his feet, teeth grinding on the bit, ears flattened, backing up... it was like ticking off the check-list of a pissed off horse. As for me... I had... started laughing...

He wasn't even twenty feet away - standing as still as death itself in the field, cornering me between the ditch and the bush. The same headache that nailed me that first night slammed back into place in my skull - putting nice black spots on my vision. I heard Him again cometomecometomecometome and Bogie's freaking got worse by the second until it was all I could do but to hold on as He watched us and I didn't know what the hell and then the next thing I know He was standing right smack in front of us - His too-long arms curling around... and then I remember Bogie squealing and spinning on the spot. I remember my boy bucking with intent to break bones. I heard that THUD. Next thing I know, he's bolted and I can't hang on with the movements anymore - I fall. I remember the jar of landing, but after that the next thing I remember is remounting Bogie who is going absolutely insane in the middle of the tractor trail in our bush.... and there were dead birds and other small things fucking everywhere. The second I was in the saddle we bolted the hell out of there down the trail with trees whizzing by and  I glanced back over my shoulder once and that was more than enough.... He and those fucking tentacles....

He was mad.

At that point, I was (and still am) very happy that Bogie is a ex-racehorse. That's for damn sure. His old training of "RUN BITCH RUN" came back and we booked it back to the barn. I just hung onto his mane at that point and did my best to maneuver us around anything that got in the way. Bogie was dripping sweat and both of us ended up with cuts from... I'm not sure what, the trees I guess... but we're both okay for now. I treated his injuries straight away, i still have to go do mine...

Bogie kicked the Slender Man.

What the hell happens now?

Too close....

02/12/11 - Heh. The first of many times He and I were in far too close of proximity to each other. Now and again I still wonder what He is. Where He came from. The curiosity can feel... nearly burning sometimes... hard too explain really...  

He came to me... at work today.

Every day, He's been getting closer. He doesn't stay far out in the fields anymore. He prefers the lawn. The shed. In the house itself. I hear Him walk the halls sometimes. Least I think it's Him. Still not close enough to confirm my... suspicion yet, but enough to let His presence be known to me. No one else sees Him, of course. I've had to shrug off more than a few comments from my family about how I'll stare off into oblivion. "Daydreaming" they call it. Not sure if I should be insulted by that or not considering I'm staring down my future executioner...

It's nothing that the rest of you haven't dealt with. I didn't bother keeping updates. AIMing with Val and Sage has been enough... but I think today was worth something...

Normally, I don't HAVE work on Fridays but... I can't deny what is coming. One day I won't be able to work, so I need the cash while I can still get it. My mornings are still rough as all Hell, but... you know what? Who cares. I took my boss up on the offer.

I was down in the basement checking inventory (most. annoying. job. ever.) when I first felt... something. It's hard to explain, but it was like a pressure suddenly setting over my forehead and temples - like the beginning of a headache with no actual pain yet. I would have just ignored it had I not... started laughing quietly. It was the same damn thing as before: It was happening on its own. I couldn't STOP myself from it! Do you GET how fucking screwed-up that is to FEEL?! Well, let me tell you then: It's terrifying, alright?! I hate being out of control of myself. HATE IT. I've gotten this far in life by keeping myself in check; by keeping myself locked. I don't drink alcohol, I've never none drugs... I don't do anything that compromises my thinking. Aren't I amazing at explaining things? It's the same thing I keep mentioning over and over and over again. I don't fear Him. Not really. I've just... always been afraid of the influence. I've always considered myself a darker-type person. A bitch, if you will. Sarcastic, apathetic, pain in the ass type. I'd be stupid to not be panicking. That seems to be the type He likes for soldiers, isn't it?

But I couldn't think about that... because I knew. I knew immediately.

I looked around a bit, but couldn't see any sign of Him yet. Not that that meant anything really - the basement was stacked so high with boxes of products that you wouldn't see Jabba The Hutt until he was sitting on your lap. It's all set into long, high rows of boxes and shelving units that would drive any claustrophobic person to their knees rocking themselves muttering "the walls are closing in" over and over and over. I don't have that issue, thankfully, but I knew in my gut - from my 'snickering' - that the Black King had to be too close for comfort... so I decided to do the smart thing with the advanced warning: get the Hell out of there.

I ditched my task and ran straight down the narrow alley I was in, gunning for the stairs (the same ones that knocked me around last week) on the opposite side of the basement. He just had to show up when I was at the farthest possible point from the one fucking way out, didn't he? Oh, you bet, wouldn't have it any other way, I'm sure!

I never made it to the end of that alley. I got maybe half-way and then He stepped around the corner. I just... froze. After only seeing Him close up with a flashlight before, I was... stunned for a few seconds to see Him so close, so clear. This was Slender Man. This was the walking nightmare that had come in close to me once then had stalked from afar for nearly two weeks. What I thought I'd seen that first night didn't do justice to what He looks like. I understand now just WHY He's referred to as the "Black King." His limbs may look awkward from being so long but... He just looks... regal. Even his "face" - it's not just a pale "blob" or "lump" of some kind as some like to call it. There are actually risen and sunken areas where His eyes, nose, and mouth SHOULD be - as though the skin had just been stretched over top of what I'd assume is bone or something close to it. The weak light actually made twin darkened patches over what should have been His eye sockets... under His cheek bones...

He started walking towards me at that point - His head hanging a bit low to not hit the ceiling. I definitely agree with my earlier comments at this point: He walks like a representation of Death, a Reaper. Slow, yet resolute; confident; unstoppable. Like He knows that, in the end, He'll be the victor no matter which little mouse He has before Him. Of course He should know - how the hell LONG has He been playing? The Black King... the undefeated Champ... closing in on a newbie like myself. Fuck. My. Life.

I had to mentally scream at myself to do it, but I started backing up as He advanced - never taking my eyes off His face. His longer strides out-did my own and soon I had no choice - I turned and bolted back down the alley. I whipped around the corner - running along to perimeter in hopes of getting to the stairs the other way... but He was waiting for me part-way down every single one of them. He had cornered me... and I was shaking at that point. Not from fear, I don't think... I was just feeling... I don't know. Overwhelmed? Like my "Flight or Fight" reflex didn't know what to do with my muscles. Shit, I can still feel how my muscles began to feel like rusted springs - making moving harder and harder as I reached the last alley with the stairs directly at the other end. He was waiting in that one too.

I stopped running at that point - there was no reason to go back the way I came. He'd just repeat the lovely process all over again. Besides, I could SEE my way out from here. I wasn't giving up that visual, even if He was blocking the way, as stupid as that might sound.

Once again, He began walking towards me. The black suit He wore seemed to mold into the shadows on the floor - I couldn't see an end to His legs, everything... was swept together. Honestly, everything except his face is just a blur...

The closer He got, the harder it was too try to suppress my little laugh. I reopened my cut lip in my attempt, tasting that familiar metallic tang. Backing up, I felt my back hit against the stack of boxes that went nearly to the ceiling along the wall. He was right in front of me. RIGHT. FUCKING. THERE. He stared down at me like a science student stares down a worm pinned in place... and then I heard... I heard Him. Or... not really Him. But whispers in my head - like the words were just inserted into my thinking. To come to Him. That He owned me. That there was no point in running. Just a mess of whispers one on top of the other. I don't actually remember what He sounded like, if He sounded like anything at all but... I felt... choked at that point. I couldn't manage words...

But I did get my hands into two of the handles in the boxes behind me. I pulled, ducking and running at the same time... and the two empty boxes came with me. The entire stack came down - all empty, but they served their purpose. I ran upstairs, slamming the door shut behind me. The boxes may have been a distraction, but they certainly didn't play any role in me escaping besides me feeling better. He let me go. Simple as that.

My boss said I looked "pale."

I thought I was going to DIE and she says I look "pale"... I'm sorry, but it makes me laugh in a I-want-to-strangle-something kind of way.

I.... I feel sick. I really do. My stomach won't stop doing loops and my morning routine still exhausts me each day. As you might have been able to tell in my post from when I thought He was a cosplayer (Ha)... I like my solitude. A lot. How I comment around on the blogs on here it's just... information seeking and a touch of a morbid fascination in seeing the entire struggle from so many different angles. I have no issue with any of you doing the same to me. I can deal with people online. There's nothing personal about it. But, in the real world, I like doing my own thing. I like being LEFT the FUCK alone... and He just... He's breaking my rules. It sounds dumb, yes, and I know that's just what He does but... I'm not adjusting well to it, okay? I'm used to feeling INVISIBLE to society and He just... He sees me.

He sees me... and I hate it. Hit the nail on the head here.

And now I'm supposed to be... what? One of His minions? One of the little brainless drones that follow His every word? No. FUCK NO. This is the second time I've heard that and I just... I can't deal with this shit. He can kill me instead. I won't become like Them. No fucking way...

Shit.

Goddamn... alright, so... had a long talk with Val. I... don't exactly feel "better" but I do feel... clearer if that makes any sense at all. She's upset, of course. Blaming herself, which I now have to somehow stop. I swear, sometimes she's just... too nice, you know? I deserve a fucking lashing and what do I get? Apologies. Seriously, hun, what the hell...

I nearly got her killed today.

I... would never have been able to live with myself if she'd actually...

...

If things had gone any differently today, Morningstar and I would have required some face-to-face time. Border crossing or not... I would have found the little bastard.

I'm too tired to get into details. Val will handle most of that, and I'll post my bits tomorrow or the next day or... whenever the hell. Just not now.

For now... I have been told I want to elaborate on what happened Saturday night. At this point... I guess it's the least I can do, right?

"As much detail as possible".... should I say what I was wearing too, hun~?

Heh.

Saturday...

It was a normal day. It really, really was... up to a point. I did my normal routine. I got up, did the horses, went to work, came back home, and then I went to do the evening chores at around 8:30pm.

During my walk to the barn, though, things were... decidedly less than normal. By the time I got to the half-way mark by the woodshed, I could see the horses were spooked up about something. Once I'd gotten to the gate up at the barn, all five of them were freaking out - galloping like mad spirits all around their paddocks. Heads up. Eyes wide. Nostrils flaring. Snorting. Calling. Just... obviously distressed about SOMETHING in the area. Most of my horses are thoroughbreds, so they weigh between 900 and 1400 pounds each. Trying to manage the lot of them was NOT FUCKING FUN and it doesn't take long for things to get very dangerous. One wrong turn. One kick. That's all it takes to get killed. Really, they wouldn't mean to kill me... I would have just got in their way.

Like if some moron gets hit by a train. Same deal~

Anyway, I brought them in and went about my chores to settle everyone in for the night... or, at least, try to. They were all fired up - spinning around in their stalls and nickering/whinnying at each other. Kicked at the walls, rasped their teeth on the wood... just generally upset and therefore aggressive. I stayed there a while with them even after everything was done to see if they would settle and they did... a bit. I turned the lights off and went back to the house, deciding I'd come back later to check again. "Later" became around 11:30-something at night. I went back and found the barn a lot quieter than when I had left it. Still not exactly "normal," but close enough to let myself go to bed. So... I began wandering back to the house with my amazing little flashlight.

I'd only gotten about a quarter of the way back - half way to the woodshed - when I saw Him. My flashlight had only illuminated Him partly from where He stood just off the tractor path to my right, but it was enough to catch my eye and... and then I turned the full beam of my flashlight on Him. In that instant... I felt like something hit against me, THROUGH me even, and my breath was sucked away. My lungs immediately began to burn, contrasting with the hellish cold that I suddenly felt everywhere else. I was shaking, but I... I just couldn't take my eyes off His "face." I could see the impressions where His features SHOULD have been... but... I'm actually glad He doesn't have eyes. If He can pin you down with His gaze with a handicap like that, I would hate to see Him with two eyes to help......

Then... I began to snicker. I was terrified - SHAKING - and yet I dared to LAUGH?! Fucking hell, I know I'm insane, but that's fucking suicidal. I just... I couldn't stop myself. It was like a switch had been thrown in my head and I COULDN'T FUCKING STOP IT. I can remember so vividly how he tilted his head at me... and then the headache hit. It... goddamn, I haven't had one that bad in... maybe ever. It felt sharp - splitting my vision and all I could do was clutch my head in my hand. At that point, even in my half-deluded laughing state, I KNEW I had to get away.

He was between me and the house.

What did I do?

I pulled my eyes away from Him and I forced myself to walk towards Him. Laughing still, even as I bit my lip to try to stop. I could taste my blood.

Then... I past Him.

He watched me the entire time.

He never did ANYTHING but watch.

That walk seemed to last for an hour, but I finally got into the house. Everyone else was in bed, so with one hand clamped over my mouth to stop myself from making too much noise, I went to my bedroom and collapsed in bed - burying my head in my pillow so my laughter wouldn't wake anyone.

They wouldn't have believed me. They didn't even believe in the spirits I had grown up with.

I was... scared... scared that I'd never stop. I laughed until my lungs felt ready to collapse and my stomach ached. My head still felt like it had an axe buried in it all the while, worsening the harder I laughed. Or did I laugh harder when my head hurt more? Anyway... eventually, it all backed off and after I-don't-know-how-long I was left in the silent darkness of my room. I was sore and exhausted, but otherwise alright... apart from the nosebleed, but that was trivial compared to everything else.

It was then that I pulled myself together the best I could manage and tried to get a hold of Valerie.

It's now past the twenty-four hour mark, and I haven't seen Him since.

Him

"whos there, knocking at my window? The Owl and the Dead Boy. This niight whispers my name. All the dying children..."

"You're time has come. once and for all. You've met your match... you will fall..."

"I'm in control, I Am Your Pain... after this you won't be teh same..."

"Now the dark beigns to rise. Save your breath, its far from ove.r Leave the lost and dead behind... now's your chance to run for cover..."

"...terrified of what's inside, to save his life, he crawls like a worm from a bird.."

"....You're been infected by a socail disease... well then take your medicine!!"

"We can be like THAY ARE. Come on, baby, dont fear the Reaper..."

"....let the bodies hit the floor.. let the bodies hit the floro.... let the bodies hit the floor..."　
　

Of all the nights for my ipod to choose to hate me... it had to be tonight.

godfuck what time is it even? 3? 4? I can't read the stiipid fucking numbers anymore.... hell,. I can barely read THIS. The only reason I'm posting at all is because I need... I need talk, and there's no one else. I've tried since 12:30-something to get ahold of Valerie... sent her an email and shit like that.... I even phoned her... but nothing. I don't want to get offline just in case she suddenly shows up, but wha's even the odds of that at this time of night? Neh i'm just avoiding the truth. The truth being that I'm fuckeda nd it's my fault. Yeah, I can own it. I just... I want to talk to Val. I can own this. I can own this mess. its mine. i made it... but I wanna talk to Val first. I haven't spoken to her in... a week... maybe more?

I need... to say "sorry" I guess.

Yah, cause thats gonna make it all fucking right, eh?

I should have listened. Fuckingshit hole I shOULD HAVE FUCKING LISTENED!!!!!1 i trust her with my life, but not apparently enough to stay away from soemthing that she TOLD ME to stay away from. yah, laugh if you want. I don't give a flying shit.

He's real.

son of a bitch, you.. you people.... you peaople from nowhereville... reading thsi or not reading this I don't even fucking care... you people have no idea how heavy those words feel. it's like the final; chop on the base of a tree that'll bring the hole goddamn thing crashing down to the ground. the final crack in a damn before the flood comes....

fuck.

Just...... FUCK>

ad you konow something? i laughed. I saw Him and... and I just started laughing. I coudn't control it, i just... i couldn't control it. scared the shit out of me. i was shakingt - staring bakc at HIm like a fucking deer caught in the headlights. He just stared back at me - THAT FUCKING TILT THIGN!!!! godafuckit why is that so fucking CREPEY from Him1!?!? it just maed me laugh harder though... why was i even laughing at all?? what? am I the Comedien now??? "it's all one big joke" right? Fuck that, I'm not dying open scene... i mean, i'll die eventually. That always comes with this guy,r ight? but not yet. not really for that YET okay, Slendy? just back off... back off...

My stomach is still sore. even when i got bac to the house... i sitll couldn't stop. I went up to my room and laughed into the fucking pillows so not one else would hear me.they were all in bed by that poiint - still are. i didnt... i didn't even realize the nosebleed until later.. after the fitr had finally stopped and I could breathe again.

...i hope His "presence " or whatever tne hell doens';t hit me this ahrd everytime he comes to do his creeper thing... my head is still light and the glow of the computer is only making it worse..

I need sleep...

hun... where the hells are you?