Friday, June 10, 2011



I didn't think it would work, but it did! I kept them safe! He came, but I was Waiting. I protected them. I got them away. Hailey's safe and Tanya is too! Both with me now. All at Christian's hotel room. He's not here right now though. Gave him money bring Tims back for supper. We're hungry. First time in a long time that I feel that. Feel I want to eat. Chris complains too much though. Says He'll come again. Says I'm an idiot for being happy over such a small victory. Says I just made Him mad. I'm aware of that, but why shouldn't I be happy? I know He'll be back. Of course He will.... but not today. It's one more day. One more day survived. All of us.


nonononononononono not getting into that. cant think about that. not even Void is good for that. suppressitignoreitcantallowit gottafocus. focus. focus elsewhere. focus on Them. Them. THEM.

I'd been at the house with Them for a while before He came. Before He was There. I was talking to Tanya at the time. Talking about mum. About Him. She was worried. About her kid. Her family. And me. Still cared about me. Practically a miracle. I was talking. Can't remember about what. Doesn't matter. Never matters. But my words started dissolving. Slurring. Falling apart into laughter. Quiet laughter. Deadly laughter. A warning. warningwarningwarning...

Noticed the way she looked at me. Her eyes. The fear. The panic. The trust beneath it all. I had warned her. Told her. Told her about my reaction to Him. When He comes close.comestooclose.Told her not to worry. To ignore it. I'm not Lost. Not Lost. No. Just Laughing~

I stood up. Watching. Watching Him as He came around the corner from the kitchen. Knew it. Knew He was coming. Felt it. Felt Him. Getting better at that.

Tanya screamed when she turned. When she Saw. Jump to her feet - stumbling backwards. First time He was so Close with her. She must have been terrified. Must have been what everyone is. What They feel. I stayed where I was. Snickering. Watching Him Watch Us. I heard Hailey protesting as Tanya grabbed her up. Grabbed her before He influenced her. Before she went to Him. Just me between Him and Them. How I wanted it. How it will be. Always. He won't get anyone else. No one else I care for. NO ONE.

He tilted His head wrongly. Stared at me, then He stared passed me to Them. He wasn't targeting me. Didn't WANT to target me. He wasn't done playing. breakmenowbreakmesoonnomorewaitingdonewaiting. 

Jokes on Him. I didn't lose this time.

I told Tanya to run. Run now. Run with Hailey to Shelter. To safety. Hoped it was safe. Safer than here was, at any rate. Heard her voice waver before she did as I said. She told me to be careful. To not be an idiot and die on her. She ran then. Heard her footsteps. He moved to follow, but I blocked Him. He wasn't going to stop... so I stabbed at Him. I lunged at Him and stabbed with Bogie's knife. Bogie's essence. Bogie's AGGRESSION. Stabbed, but missed. He moved. He MOVED. Attention snapped on me. Felt Him change. Against me. Against His Toy. Toy was being defiant. He seemed to forget about Tanya. Turned on me instead. I couldn't even blink before a solid THWACK hit across my front. I hit the floor hard. HARD. Right on my back. Across the room. Swatted away like a fly. Like a Nothing. Breath was gone. Was coughing like mad to get it back. Choking on my snickering. Head started screaming. Piercing. Blinding sound. I scrambled to get up. Grabbed the knife. I could feel Him leaving. He was going to go after Them. Leave me. Take Them. Just like mum. breakmebreakmebreakme. 

I got my eyes back on Him. Black dots were invading everywhere. World swayed from the pain in my head, but I used the couch and went after Him. Forced myself after Him. He couldn't leave while I watched Him. I think. That's how it works, right? He had to stay. Forced to STAY. Stay with me. Leaving them. Me. Not Them! NOT THEM!!!

He turned as I followed. Not letting Him out of my sight. NEVER out of my sight. Always Watched. returnthefavor. Next I knew I was against a wall. He towered over in front of me. He stared down at me as I kept laughing. I hurt so bad, but I couldn't stop laughing. Not my choice. I hurt so bad, but I kept staring back. My choice. I felt sick though. Felt WRONG. His Voice came then. Questioning. Picking. Pulling. Cutting. Asking. Asking why I was pretending. Why I was pretending to care about them. Pretending to feel. Asking why I'd protect someone who once made my life Hell. Don't know how He knew that. Shouldn't have Known that. Tanya.... used to bully me. In school. Way back. Never told anyone. We had moved on from that. HE SHOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN THAT. He's in my head. iknowiknowiknowIKNOW!!!!!! Gotta get Him out. Learns too much. His words HURT. They all do. Each one like a needle....

His fingers curled around the pendant around my neck. Tugged it tight. Couldn't breathe. Or maybe I just forgot to.

He asked if I hated Waiting. Like Hakurei does.

I sliced at Him. Lashed out. Missed. Missed again, but He recoiled. Surprised, I think. I bolted. Couldn't take Staying anymore. Couldn't take the whispers. His voice - or is it my voice? My voice echoed back? I can never remember what He sounds like. Ever. Didn't think about that then though. I needed to get away. He was in my head too deep. In my thoughts. inmeinmeinmeinmeINMEHADTOGETAWAY. I bolted. Ran. When I looked behind me, He was still There. Still Watching. It froze me at the door for a minute. He wasn't mad. Didn't feel it. Couldn't feel it from Him. He was... amused. Amused again. Amused I'd try. Still try.
I left.

Gone since then. Not seen once. Not anywhere. Me or Tanya. That was early morning. Threeish. Still sore. Still hurt. Still shaky. But everyone else is okay. So I'm okay. I can be a distraction. I can be that. Owe so much to M. Don't know him as anything from that, but he said to watch Him. One of Three Rules. That's what I did. Never took my eyes off. Kept Him there. Kept Him with me while they got away. Didn't let Him follow. Didn't let Him vanish. 

We're together now.

Hailey still draws a lot. Even more than me. Usually the same picture though. Just Him. Him as an empty circle with stick arms and legs. Sometimes she'll scribble around Him with black or red. She says He's mad at us. Mad at me. Not surprised. Only surprised she knows. Only that. Must be something to do with being a kid. Kid under His influence. Under His stare.

She asked me why I made Him mad. Told her cause He wanted to take her away. Told her I'd miss her if she went. Told her her mommy would miss her. Her daddy would miss her. Kent would miss her. Hailey said I could come - we could both go. I said I wouldn't. I can't. I need to stay here. She needs to stay here. Can't go. Neither of us.

Tanya just stepped out to call Kent. Let him know we're here. Hailey's curled up sleeping beside me. Head on my side. Don't like kids, but Hailey is okay.

I can protect them. I have something to build on now... 



  1. You can make it, Michelle. I know you can. Just give me another week.

  2. Somehow I doubt she will last another week Hakurei. You are better off just forgetting about this one. She is already ours. She just does not know it yet. It will hurt a lot less if you just forget about her now. You have so many other things to worry about, after all.