"Do you have a fucking death wish?!"

...What the fuck do you say... when the only response you get for a question like THAT is silence? What the hell do you...?

WHAT THE FUCK CAN YOU SAY?!?


I was giving Valerie space. I thought she was giving ME space... but do you know what she did? What she was doing ALL FUCKING NIGHT when we got away from Nightscream? Not last night (because I fucking wouldn't LET HER OUT OF MY SIGHT) but the one before that?

She sat outside. All. Fucking. Night.

Soaking wet.

In the cold, spring rain.

WHEN NIGHTSCREAM COULD BE/PROBABLY DAMN WELL WAS LOOKING FOR US.



She went and... sat outside. Practically ASKING....

When I finally moved from my little Think Spot when dawn broke, I went to wake Val like I usually do before going to make the morning coffee... and she was nowhere. To be. Fucking. FOUND. I nearly had a goddamn heart attack! We only JUST got back and she was gone AGAIN?! The fucking worst kept running through my head - that Screamer had come back to get Val back for what she did to him/her.

Then... I found her.

Cold as fucking death itself.

Sitting outside.

I hauled her inside - yelling my question. My ONE question that was supposed to have been rhetorical... but she made it so damn real I felt the sting as the silence practically slapped me across the face. No eye contact, no NOTHING.

She wants to die.

I honestly wish she'd just fucking screamed it in my face. At least THEN she might be talking to me NOW. At least THEN I wouldn't be reminded of how she was in her comatose state. When I couldn't get a damn thing out of her. When SAGE could, but I couldn't...

Months ago, when I first showed up after my family farm burnt down, she FORCED me to promise to never give up. To just keep trying. Keep fighting. During all my fucking rage issues and extreme lows... she told me to never deny myself the opportunity to change things for the better. All the days of forcing myself through the sheer fucking AGONY that came along with not listening to Father's Will... of listening to her speeches about not letting Them win...

And she wants to die.

Honestly, I've seen that look on her face before. Many times. I just... never thought that's what it was. I mean... yes, living like this sucks and I know she's been through a lot, but... to want to die? It just doesn't fit with what I know of her... it just... doesn't fit.

And I've asked her.

I've practically BEGGED her at this point to tell me what's going on...

But she won't speak to me. At all. So, I need you guys to speak to her for me. To try to knock some fucking sense into her skull, cause she won't listen to two words that I have to say...

She's my best friend.

I can't lose her.

I just... can't.

Please help me out here.