Valerie, I am so sorry. I haven't exactly been on computers much lately, but Christian showed me your posts and I just... I'll be back as soon as I can, okay? Hang in there. I'm kind of... caught up in shit at the moment. Goddammit, I knew we shouldn't have split up. You should have stayed with Green Man. You should have... fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Please. Please find somewhere to wait for me. Don't do anything I would do, okay? Yes, I said "would." Lets face it, I get in shit no one in their right mind ought to..
Shit like I'm in right now.
I'm not doing too well - I'll be honest about that. Christian and his crew aren't exactly what you'd call "gentle." Earned myself a few new bruises. Have a nice split lip that only just decided to stop bleeding. My wrists are practically black from the handcuffs which, of course, the lot of them have kept on me - behind my back - this whole fucking time so I couldn't do much to defend myself against whatever "manners" they were drilling into my skull... and stomach.
Finally managed to convince Christian to get me a computer. Punching bag or not, I refused to take him anywhere until he let me update my blog. Stupid request, yes, but I... I just... had to ground myself for a bit. Come on here. See the updates. Read what you guys write. Your stories. All to remind myself. It's... hard to explain. Being around Proxies... I just... it makes it harder. All of it. The pull is stronger. Normally, I can just ignore it. Cover it up. Pretend I don't feel anything. But tonight I just... it's so tight. So fucking tight. It hruts. Fucking it it HURTS.
...My wrists... really are black. Least I'm cuffed in the front right now - gives my shoulders and arms a rest. Somehow, it's hard to believe this is an upgrade, but sadly, it is. See... I've been in police custody. I was arrested when I crossed over the border. Christian had them practically waiting for me. He IDed me as the one who... who killed my family. As the arsonist who burnt down the farm. As the one who was behind everything. Including the disappearances of my friends. He told them it was me. He even had a recorder with... with Kent saying it was me. Fucking Kent. He's still alive. The recording is old, but if Christian is capable of truth, then he told me Kent is alive. Despite the circumstances, you don't know how happy that makes me. He's not another metal washer on my necklace. Not yet. He's broken still, but alive.
I guess Valerie wasn't the only one recording the conversation that day. Only this wasn't the same version. Christian took the liberty of editing. I remember it exactly.
Kent: Crazy chick... just got worse...
Kent: ...She was gonna get Hailey ... Tanya never... trusted her though.
Valerie: ..Kent... I can't / help you... I've known / Michelle / long enough.
Kent: ...She was going to be my daughter... my little girl... I was going to have a family ... She's the one who took her....
Chris: Val, maybe we should--
Kent: She took her / took her and / she kept drawing and drawing and drawing and drawing and burned most of them but drew them again and again and / was supposed to protect us but / couldn't / wouldn't / didn't and I couldn't protect my girls and they were going to be mine and THEY TOOK THEM AWAY FROM ME ALL OF YOU HER--
And that's when it started to scramble in a bunch of different voices.
Yeah, I love editing programs too. I think I know why he used the conversation with Valerie in it - it made it multi-purpose - and you could only catch the jumps if you knew the conversation already. I've listened the Valerie's recording a few hundred times, so for me... being interrogated... I really had a hard time trying not to laugh. Which in itself didn't go down well with the police. Especially when I muttered about it all being one big Game. They didn't like that. Especially since I'm either supposed to be dead or missing but I'm neither and I actually "hid" in the States.
I was charged by the second day and remanded in custody due to the severity of the charges. They were making arrangements for me to be shipped off to "Vanier Centre for Women" in Milton. Fucking Milton. A fucking six hour drive and my nerves were already shot. I'd be a fucking basketcase by the time I got up there. As I sat in my holding cell, I tried to keep reminding myself was that the good news was that Life in Canada is only 25 years. Which is only 5 years with good behavior and bail. Not to mention that, being cooped up like that, the Black King would have no problems getting to me - so I probably wouldn't even make my own trail. Awesome, eh?
The newspaper even rung up a story about my arrest as a "suspect" - but of course everyone knew I did it, right? Of course. It made sense. Even to me, it made sense. I was the center pivot of all the shit that happened and when the inferno lit the night, I disappeared - off to another country. The only thing Christian left out was the 'why' I'd do any of it. I guess that was supposed to be mine to fill the blank in. I wasn't playing that Game though.
Christian was, however, so kind to pay me a visit in my holding cell before they made my transfer. He had print-outs of Valerie's blog posts and the newspaper article with him. He even let me watch the video off his Iphone. He let it all sink in. Half-heartedly tried to bait me for a few minutes to actually confessing to his little story - mocking me in so doing. Tried to get my temper swinging. I just swapped between glaring at him and reading the words written by my best friend. It made my stomach sink to read it. To know. To know what level she had to be in to write like that. I felt so fucking USELESS...
And then Christian changed the Game. Introduced a detour route, but a shortcut, nevertheless. Apparently, he Follows my blog... because he said he'd only break me out if I brought him to the tree-house Corey had mentioned. Christian wants the book. No idea why. But I didn't care. I still don't. I agreed. Yesterday morning, right when they were about ready to take me to Milton... he and his crew came and got me instead. They killed one officer on their way in, but I managed to stop them from killing any others. One more piece to my necklace...
His name was Brain Woolley. He'd just bought an engagement ring. I heard them talk about it.
The rest you know.
My identity in Canada... my name, my past... everything... that's all shot now, if it wasn't before. But, at the very least... I'm out and moving again... even if it's with a fucktard like Christian and his mooks. I'm out. I can get this shit over with and get back to the States. Get back to Valerie. Crossing the border again is going to prove interesting though... making my hate for Christian sink that much deeper...
For now, looks like we'll be taking a bit of a trip... all to take a walk right into His Territory. I... used to like trees. Not so much so these days.
The... pull hurts more with just the thought of...
It's... only getting worse now. Only worse...
Valerie. I'm coming. I promise. Hang tight.