29/08/11 - Bloody hell, is this really how I started this goddamn thing? What a reason. What a fucking reason for them all to die. I'm editing it. What's blacked out either doesn't matter, or was just a goddamn lie. That simple. I'll add in truths where I can remember. No promises. But it's better than what I was offering back then. If you want to read the stupidity... by all means, go ahead. Just highlight the page...
My name is Michelle, but you can call me "Mitch."
I suppose the obvious point of entry would be to explain why the bloody hell I decided to start a blog. That seems to be how other people take their first stab at this, anyway. Normally I try NOT to follow crowds, but... well, that seems as good a place as any.
So here it is: I don't like talking to people~ I just needed somewhere to rant. That's all.
Sort of strange, isn't it? I HATE being the topic of discussion, and yet I've decided to throw all of it - or as much as I can manage - onto the internet for all to see. ...Well, whoever manages to find this, anyway, which probably won't be many~ My friends won't look for a blog of all things by me because they KNOW me. They KNOW this isn't my thing. Funny how I'm going to prove them wrong. Like a little inside joke, almost~ In any case, this can't include them. I don't want it to. That's exactly the point: I need somewhere to go on rants where I know I'm not going to burden any of my friends with my issues. It's not like my issues are even that BIG... not compared to other stories, anyway, but I want to see what it feels like to take some of the things OUT of the closet in my mind that have been weighing over me a little too much recently. I want to unload a bit of my insanity onto this blog - to open the door to my own devil and give him free-reign on this page. No need for the lock. No need for the shackles. This is OUR space, as weird as that may sound.
No, I'm not going split-personality on you. I don't have that. I'm just trying to explain how I've trained myself over the years... and, believe me, it's a HARD thing to put into words.
I'm just insane. It's not that. It's just plain mindfuckery. I'm not normal. But I'm not insane. I just... see things different. That's all. For the most part... it was all just a game for me. A fucking joke. This blog was a fucking joke. A place to rant. Have a laugh. I guess He thought it really was funny of me. Decided to add His own punchlines. Fuck. How stupid was I? All those closest to me (there aren't many) have come to voice it eventually~ When I want to have fun, there is no greater feeling than creeping someone out. The look they give me after I offer a comment and a twisted smirk, the little laugh to quiet their own nerves, the way their voice changes... it's the most amusing thing in the world~ I don't normally have to try very hard either. They say that half of the impression I leave is in how I pronounce myself; how I speak. I'm not entirely certain how well that will translate onto this blog, but I'll have fun all the same trying to mess with my lovely readers' heads~
That's right. I'm targeting YOU.
How fortunate for you~
Though I do appreciate your cooperation in this little project of mine, of course. Wouldn't be possible without you as my guinea pigs~ After all, I may like to creep out my friends, but I still don't go 'loose rein' if you know what I mean. I don't want to push them away. They just know that I like to mess with them now and again. In between those times, I'm loyal. THAT never changes. For those I truly come to care for, I would die to save them... and kill to protect them~ And that never will change.
The latter of which I would enjoy a great deal~
Sadism and insanity are like freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies and a tall glass of raw, unpasteurized milk~ Nothing goes better together!
...And I STILL haven't thought of a name for this thing. "Untitled" sort of explains how I feel most of the time, but I need something a bit catchier if I'm going to stick with this, I think...
Hn. 11:49pm... eleven minutes until midnight here... and eleven IS my favorite number...
Alright. Random and yet meaningful to me~ That sounds good~