Showing posts with label hakurei ryuu. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hakurei ryuu. Show all posts

Monday, April 4, 2011

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You know... I was planning to let this just drop. I was planning to just let my thoughts boil silently... but you know what? FUCK IT~ I made this blog for a reason: To rant. While this isn't the intended subject nor really a rant, per se... I don't care at the moment. I can't comment on the blog directly otherwise Val will definitely find out that I broke our little deal... so here will just have to do.

I finished "A Hint of Serendipity" - Zero's blog in the Slenderverse. I was a little disappointed to read in "Zero Hour" that he was most likely killing off his character, but instead of really giving it much thought past 'oh, damn', I just went to his profile to see what blogs he had been paying attention to (I've discovered that's a good way to find the nooks and crannies of this community)... and I found his new blog: "The Last Refuge of a Dangerous Man." Mood at that point? Pleased. He was "alive" (aka: didn't abandon the project) and his character had become twisted to the point of being nearly unrecognizable in every way, shape, and form. Good plot development~ Especially the part about going after Runners... harvesting a bone from their corpses, hm? Though it came as a bit of surprise Zero would opt for such a brutal approach, I'd be more likely to believe THIS could work than giving Slendy a twenty dollar bill. Like... seriously. Why must it be Runners though? Why not Proxies? He said it himself that he wouldn't feel bad for killing those off. Meh, Zero's always had a taste for the dramatic flare~

Really, Zero (or should I say Zerosage?) comes off as a bit of a religious nut at the moment, but he's still awesome in my books.

Now, while I would love to tear a new one on some of the commenters on that blog for their idiocy, I have a different purpose for this post.

I have a MESSAGE FOR ZEROSAGE DIRECTLY, should he happen to stumbled across my pathetic little blog here sooner rather than later... slim chance, but, hey, I need this. For simplicity, I've copy and pasted the comments below that are most relevant.


zerosage said... How can I trust you? You did...things, or claimed you did. You 'healed' wounds, you say. Your friend summoned a fucking devil, or claims therein. I think you're both mad. As for Kay, perhaps she was drugged, I've learned that jade can tell if someone is tainted. I don't need it to know you two are doing things you shouldn't.


Hakurei Ryuu said... I did things that anyone can do with the proper knowledge, preparation, and skill, and so did my friend. There is nothing mad about me, although I cannot speak for Amalgamation, as he makes no claims at sanity. In fact, he disclaims it at every opportunity. It is my opinion that the only way to keep moving foward is to do the best we can to help the largest number of people. You can trust me or not, as you like, but I'm not going to stop trying to make you see reason. I would like to help you, Zero, if I can.


There was a bit more, but this works fine enough. So, Zerosage... you think Hakurei is insane for use of her 'healing abilities' in her blog? The ones she used to partly heal the wounds of 'Kay'? Heheh, well, I hate to burst your bubble... but I know for an absolute fact that the abilities Valerie used in her RPG/fanfic thing are quite real. Why shouldn't she use her full capabilities in your little Slenderverse? She is playing as herself. And 'herself' is rather... purifying~

I should know.

She healed me.

I know you don't believe me. Right now, your character isn't believing anyone, so why should you yourself? Probably a smart thing, considering what you've labeled your objective as. But, for a few moments... humor me and read along~

I first crossed paths with the username 'Hakurei Ryuu' on Fanfiction.net in 2007. She had excellent writing skills for character development... but not so much so with action. I was vice versa. After a few comments back and forth, we exchanged emails to help each other out with our admitted weaknesses. At this time, writing was my only real release, so I welcomed a chance to improve what I could do and push the boundary more with my angst/horror/suspense stories. Looking back at it, I'm surprised she liked my story enough to read it to begin with. Torture, gore, and angst isn't really Val's thing~

We're polar opposites. Black to White. Negative to Positive. She challenged me on every ground there was without actually challenging me. She let my own head do the footwork, she just made the initial impression to get things in motion. Her way of thinking was so totally strange to me. I couldn't understand how someone could be so... light. At first I tried to labeled it as 'naive' but... it was clear right from the start that she was a hell of a lot smarter than I was. Hell, she was going to school to be a psychologist, for crying out loud! She knew what she was talking about. She accepted the fact that humans were capable of horrible things... but maintained 100% of the time that we were all generally good people. That no one was a lost cause. That we could all be helped. That we should all TRY to help.

She just... confused the living shit out of me.

She pushed me to rethink what I'd made into fact in my head. She always accepted me as me - dark, twisted, insane - but, at the same time... she would ask me to consider different points of view. She would talk about her friends every once in a while and I could tell from talking back and forth how much some of them drained her. She gave her everything into friendships. That was yet another thing I couldn't understand for the life of me: How giving she was. I had believed for so long that Valerie's "kind" didn't exist anymore. Humans are barbaric and cruel - no one cares about anyone anymore! And yet... Val did. But she didn't only care for victims... she cared for the predators too! The people that caused the pain! She would talk about how much pain people like that must be in to want to hurt someone else...

I was bridging on being one of those predators... and she felt compassion for those thoughts?

Valerie... is one of those special souls who light the darkness with their presence alone. I was so consumed in my own darkness and rage back then... that I know for a fact today that I would be dead if Valerie had not been there - if she'd not challenged me. She pulled me from my depression and my rage OVER THE INTERNET and healed some of the wounds over my soul. I'll say that again: wounds on my soul. Think about how the body can heal itself in time. Think about it. The soul is a hell of a lot different. To heal it takes a hell of a lot more than patching together some little cuts~ Hakurei Ryuu is a Healer. A true, honest Healer.

And, before you start arguing that written text doesn't have that kind of power... tell me again how our beloved Slender Man was created~? Words have power. Spoken or written. Period.

I made a promise back then to not give in to my own violent desires.

I made a promise to forgive and let the pain go.

I made a promise... to try to help others like she helped me.

I'm still dark.

I'm still insane.

I still have desires.

But I'm not depressed anymore.

I'm not lost anymore.

I like who I am.

I'm starting to trust people.

I'm starting to feel a bit more than I used to.

I've made a few friends.

And it's all because of Valerie. No one else but her could have cracked my shell. No one else could have pulled me out of the spiral I was in. She reached me because she is Light. And if she can do that to someone over fucking emails... I for one would love to see what she is capable of in person.

She wants to help you, Zerosage.

You can deny her... but you know what the kicker is? As long as you read what she writes, she'll be reaching you. Just like she did me.

...And you're not even going to realize it~

Monday, March 28, 2011

Jack Sparrow FTW!

30/08/11 - Stupidest decision of my life. But it's all still a GAME, right? I guess I just had a bit more fun with it back then, hn~? Still. Wouldn't change a thing.


Well... I felt like death warmed over today. I didn't get to bed until... what? 2am? Fucking ridiculous. I was out before my head even hit the pillow. Another empty night - just the way I like it - then I got to wake up at 5am to the seizure-inducing sound of my goddamn alarm clock. Back when I actually DID dream, I actually HAD bad dreams about that damn sound. On a scale of one to ten, if nails on a chalkboard was a ten... my alarm clock would be an eleven or twelve.

I remember one dream where I literally woke up INSIDE MY DREAM all damn night. I would "wake" to the blare of my alarm clock and realize I was way late for work. As in, I was supposed to be there this very minute. Why was my alarm clock going off then? Who knows. Does logic even apply to these things? Anyway, I'd throw myself out of bed, run downstairs, throw on some clothes, open the door to my house... and then BAM! I'd be right back in bed "waking up" to the sound of my alarm again. I must have done that five... six times? Maybe more. Needless to say... I woke up absolutely exhausted.

Yeah. I'm glad I don't have to deal with that shit anymore.

So, three guesses what was on my brain all day at work~? Don't be shy - take a wild stab at it! See if you hit a main artery~

Heh. One thing that you can probably guess about me is that once something catches my attention, I'm like a cat with a mouse. ...Or a pencil. Cats seem to get amused by pencils. Well, Psycho, my cat, does~ Then again, there doesn't seem to be much that doesn't amused that feline. She's special~ I just look at her and I know she's plotting my "accidental death." Feh. Then who's going to feed you, hm? Haven't thought that through, now have you, you adorable little demon~?

She likes her pepsi box~

...Slight derailment of my Train of Thought. Sorry about that~

Anyway, I made my decision at work... so, when I got home, I quietly sat down... and I prayed...

.

..

...

....

.....

......

.......

........to the almighty knowingness of Google, that is. Yeah, yeah, I promised, and it was a deal whatever, whatever, but, honestly? I'm dishonest. And a dishonest person you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly... it's the honest ones you have to watch out for. For you can never predict when they're about to do something incredibly... stupid~ That being said, I know for an absolute FACT that Val won't come onto my blog again after our deal, so I can write whatever I want and don't have to worry about backlash. She's the honest one. I'm not, but she'd never figure I'd go back on my word to her. Normally, I really wouldn't but... it's just an RPG, eh~? She'll never find out, and I get to satisfy my curiosity... win:win~  "Dumbass" is written across my forehead during this. I assure you.

You going to rat me out? What fun would THAT be?

I was quite happy, actually, when I typed in "Slenderman" and actually got a shitload of hits. I was worried for a while that it was something specifically to do with whatever Val is caught up in buuuuuuuuut, apparently not~ This guy seems to get around. Websites, pictures, videos, fanfictions... and, if Val's is any indicator, blogs too. I honestly wasn't really impressed by some of the pictures of this guy, but the no-face concept sort of grew on me. I like it now~

The first thing I came across was a site that described this "Slenderman" as a combination between Doc Ock (Spiderman) and Mr. Fantastic (Fantastic Four) all dressed up in true Men In Black style. That... honestly didn't sound like something Val would go for, so I went to here instead. What sparked my immediate attention was the mention of the collective thought process actually being the cause of his creation. Not only was that on Val's blog, but it's something I myself have immense interest in so, in other words: SCORE.

That site has since brought me to the Marble Hornets youtube channel. I remember finding this sometime early last year, but it didn't really catch my attention so I only watched the first few videos. I had other obsessions at that time, but now... heh~ I'm planning on starting on that tomorrow.

In other news... new clients are new~~ Something a little different now to celebrate a very different kind of day....

Sunday, March 27, 2011

WTF

After I posted my rant, I went browsing Blogger. After a while, I found a blog... that was written by a very close friend of mine: Hakurei Ryuu. It was an RPG thing. I posted a comment on it (I thought I had my name on Anonymous, but apparently not?) and Valerie... got very defensive. I've never seen her act this way before. She asked me to change over to MSN after a few post exchanges. I've now spent the last hour or so trying to figure out what the hell I just agreed to... but it's now past one fucking am and I have work in the morning and I'm way too tired. In true "WHAT THE FUCK" style, I'm posting the convo here.



Hakurei says:
*THERE you are! msn giving you trouble or something? you took forever...

+++Stein/Mitch+++ says:
*It's only been a few minutes.
What's going on?

Hakurei says:
*ack. just felt like forever, i guess. hell of a day.
*but yeah. i'd really like you to not read what i post on my blog. it's private.

+++Stein/Mitch+++ says:
*It IS on the internet, you know. I found your username, how was I to know it was off limits to me? Honestly, I didn't think there WERE such grounds between us.

Hakurei says:
*argh, i'm sorry. i didn't mean it that way. i just never ONCE expected one of my friends to start up a blogspot account and... it just makes things unnecessarily complicated.

+++Stein/Mitch+++ says:
*....Yeah, I guess I'm guilty for that same thought... actually, I was surprised to see your username. But, really... I just don't get what the big secret is? I mean, yes, it's an RPG blog and I'm SORRY for posting on it. I should have known better than that cause I probably screwed up the believeablity of it...

Hakurei says:
*it's... fine. it's probably better if it's a little less believable, actually. just don't do it again. and set your blogspot profile to private. and... don't read my blog. or any of the ones to do with it. it's really not something you'd be interested in.
*i'm just working on it privately, is all. i've got a crapton of other projects, but this is something i can do without deadlines or whatever. i don't really want my regular life getting over into that story.

+++Stein/Mitch+++ says:
*I read through MorningStar's blog. That was funny as hell~ The whole coding thing was neat and you KNOW the insanity strikes a very good cord with me~ I actually AM interested in this. At least at the minute. Maybe I won't be later, who knows. How about I just stay off of yours?
*And, as for my profile, I want strangers to be able to find it. I need some sort of audience to creep out, right~? I just didn't want friends to find it. Gets... awkward.


Hakurei says:
*no. really. just... the whole thing, stay away from the whole idea. don't comment on them, don't read them. what you do with your own stuff isn't my business, i guess, but PLEASE just stay off all of this? plaese?
*i'm asking you as a friend. just don't get into this one. please.

+++Stein/Mitch+++ says:
*Hun, are you okay? And I mean SERIOUSLY okay. Don't try to lie to me. You know that doesn't work with me.
*Look, if it means that much to you, I'll stay off of it. All of it. One condition though: You stay off of MY blog. That was never meant for you to see, anyway...

Hakurei says:
*i'm fine. just... the kids at work were pretty rowdy yesterday, it tired me out something hard. but if you don't want me to see what you write, that's fine. don't think i don't UNDERSTAND, but it's fine if that's the way you want it.
*just stay off of this story. please.
*i wanna keep all of it completely separate.

+++Stein/Mitch+++ says:
*........If you say so, hun. It's a deal then.

Hakurei says:
*thanks. ^_^

+++Stein/Mitch+++ says:
*You're welcome. Just don't overdo it, alright? Can't have you wearing yourself to the bone before I get down to visit you this summer~

Hakurei says:
*=D you kidding? your presence alone will put springs in my shoes! and believe me, i'd use a less lame metaphor if i wasn't so tired right now. XDD

+++Stein/Mitch+++ says:
*That... just made my eye twitch. XD Damn straight though~ I look forward to the whole tour~

*Maybe you should head to bed then? I'll be going soon too. Work in the morning yada yada yada...

Hakurei says:
*probably. except dad suddenly got it into his head to bug me about laundry. friggingfraggityfragmumblegrumble.......
*i will do that, and then i will sleep.

+++Stein/Mitch+++ says:
*LMAO ah, parents. They have impeccable timing, yes? Alright. I'm off too. Take care of yourself. Night~


Hakurei says:
*night! <3

+++Stein/Mitch+++ says:
*<3



And that was it.